In The Emptiness
by Summer72
Summary: A contemplation...


Title: **In The Emptiness** (Natori's Side Story)  
Author: Summer72 or Natz ="))  
Pairing: None  
Genre/Rating: General, slight angst / PG

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_'You're unfair... You're cruel... You're forever a liar...'_

_'...coward' _

Natori opened his eyes in a flash, in a dimness of his silent empty room. A drop of sweat trickled down from his bang as he calmed his fast breathes. 'Did I have a nightmare?' was the first question came into his blurry mind. He didn't remember anything, except the words; the voice he then recognized... as his own, mingling with others' he couldn't distinguish well. Yet, it was not a nightmare that would make him trembling, bursting into tears, greatly suffering from it. Or was it because he had become such a cold person that he only felt slightly oddly ironic?

Sighing, he got up, rubbing his temple, cursing.

"I'm fine, Hiiragi" He quickly told to the dark corner of the room. The said youkai stayed quiet then dissapeared into darkness, perhaps going back to her own duty (or could it be even called one?) patrolling around the mansion as she always did when Natori was having some rests after working. The man sighed in relief that she decided to leave him.

Not intending to go back to sleep, or too uncomfortable from the said nightmare he had seen, Natori decided to take a sip of stronger liquid to calm himself down. Not that it would make any different but slight, because the words were now ringing once again inside his brain. Mercilessly like a dark spell; a curse.

_'You're unfair... You're cruel... You're forever a liar...'_

_'...coward' _

"...yes, I am," whispered Natori, sitting down on the couch with a glass of wine in his hand. He actually wanted vodka, but wine would do as fine at the moment. And there in the dark, he tried to blended in, deep into his own thoughts, letting himself drawn in the sea of guilt because the words were all truths. Yes, they were.

In the past, he would always deny the fact the words expressed, even he would deny his own existence. He hated himself so much that he just lived because it was his duty to live; as a Natori. And that before he met a boy named Natsume Takashi. The boy reminded of himself in the old times; struggling to even live, bearing the burden that couldn't be easily shared, not knowing whom to believe and where to walk. Even so, unlike Natori, the boy was strong, strong enough that the man couldn't help but felt a little jealous toward him.

_'You're unfair... You're cruel... You're forever a liar...'_

_'...coward' _

He wanted the boy. He had always wanted the boy; to help him, to stand by him, to be his mirror..., to merely complete him. But as the time passed by, inside Natori, there was a feeling close to affection grown towards the boy. Natori started to ignore the greed of wanting the boy and tried to 'help' him to stand in his own path. He wanted to see to where the path led; the path he had long abandoned because of his cowardness. He wanted the boy live the life he had been longed for.

_'You're unfair... You're cruel... You're forever a liar...'_

Yes. After all, he always did for his own sake; a sly adult. Never crossing in his mind, he would do what the boy did. He never wanted to restart his life. It was too late, he always stated to himself though he knew he was just too weak to even start to walk different path. He was not strong. He was only a good liar. If Natsume knew it, the boy would definitely avoid him, hating him forever, making distances or even disappear from his sight. Natori shouldn't be mind that though, it was the concequence of being a sly adult as he was. But some things he had been said to the boy were true. At least, they were things he actually had always wanted to tell himself. He was merely a coward.

_'...coward' _

And he even didn't deny it, even now.

Natori put the empty glass on the table. He rose to his feet, walking across the spacious room towards the windows as gentle blue light was creeping slowly from them, desperately trying to conquer darkness in the room. He slided the window open, greeted by the tranquil state of half-waking earth. Cold air blew on to his slight cloudy face, as if trying to shove the shades away.

A red paper plane flew in front of him from the right. Natori widened his eyes a bit, reaching out a hand to catch it. He didn't know but it felt like he was catching himself for falling deeper into useless sufferings from a mere nightmare. It only seemed like that. Natori turned to his right side and found Hiiragi standing in the corner of the balcony, still all quiet. Yet, the man somehow could see a glint of smile behind the hideous mask. And it slightly comforted him in a strange way.

Natori chuckled inaudibly, turning around, leaving such a peaceful and gentle situation for his another busy day.

_'You're unfair... You're cruel... You're forever a liar...'_

_'...coward' _

Yes, but he would still live on. Natori would live on, witnessing with his own eyes to where his own path would lead. Even though it wouldn't have a great hopeful destination, it's just fine. It's just fine if he still lived and lied to protect his coward weak self. Also, he should live on, witnessing with his own eyes to where the boy's path would lead_. _

He would live to protect and save the boy.

To protect and save himself.

He would live on.

He should.

_'You're unfair... You're cruel... You're forever a liar...'_

_'...coward' _

-end-

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AN: it's so lame, I know ;_;


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